Alexander (Zander) participated in a number of rituals amongst the San Franciscans along the Pacific coast to inquire about his worthiness to speak to the gods. He wanted to ask about the fastest road to peace. After weeks of hard work and tests of mental strength, Zander’s final task was to walk along a stretch of burning coals. He took his first step on the coals and exclaimed, “ouch, that really hurts!” With an astounding level of disappointment, the San Franciscans hog tied Mr. Zander and threw him off the end of their boat, strapping to his back his guitar and pet mongoose, Mongy.
Years later, Zander found him and his mongoose washed up on the northern coast of New England, where he awoke, still in his finest attire, startled to find a pack of wolves standing around in a semi-circle, growling viciously and salivating at the mouth. Zander immediately pulled his guitar from behind his back and started to play Heaven by Los Lonely Boys. The wolves froze, and rolled over on their backs, whimpering, but not soon enough to keep his Mongy from becoming Sunday brunch. The wolves raised Zander in the Appalachians, teaching him how to hunt, play, and survive. One day, upon arriving on the coast of Maine, Zander and his pack of wolves were drawn to Bowdoin College by wondrous aromas of Miller High Life, to find a crowd of well-dressed men singing and giving each other piggy-back rides. Zander found this lifestyle most similar to his last, and had to say goodbye to his wolf family. However, they did not leave without mauling delicious-looking Max Middleton and dragging him out with them. Now, you can find Zander riding down Maine’s rivers, rolling around in the forests with his wolf family while oddly well-dressed for the circumstances, and singing with the Bowdoin College Meddiebempsters.