Hugh (as in Grant, Jackman, Hefner, or guenot) was born on Friday the 13th of June, in the year 1997 AD. As the werewolves howled and Max Middleton ’16 terrorized towns using only his flip flops, Hugh drew in his very first breath. As he exhaled, he wailed his very first note: a perfect high C. Stunned by this most beautiful of notes, Hugh tried again. And again. For the next four years, he searched the globe for the secret behind singing this perfect note, eventually landing at the School for Canaries, where he hoped to learn from the master singers themselves. Meanwhile, in the summer of 2001, Barry Mills was just preparing himself to become the 14th president of Bowdoin College. As Barry Mills sat in what would soon become his office, he realized that something was missing. “Music!” he exclaimed. “I must go and find myself a songbird”.
As any great president knows, the best place to find a songbird is at the School for Canaries. As Barry Mills walked along the rows of cages, he came upon a very strange looking bird. In fact, it was not a canary at all. Hugh, a strong believer in method acting, had committed to learning the secrets of the canary ways so far as to lock himself in a cage and sing constantly. So far had Hugh committed to this role that he had begun to grow feathers, appearing canary-like to all but the well-trained eye. Fooled by this deception, Barry Mills hired Hugh out as his personal singing canary, placing his cage in the far corner of the office overlooking Bowdoin’s Main Quad. There, Hugh would live for the next fourteen years, singing constantly day and night.
It was a lonely life. Barry Mills had no idea of Hugh’s humanity, and nor could Hugh tell him without destroying the School for Canary’s perfect reputation. Hugh longed to be free. Thankfully, his voice was brilliant and loud, reaching all over campus. Everyone could hear him, but Connor Evans ’16 took particular note. Hearing Hugh’s melodious tones, Connor Evans swore that he would bring that voice to join his a cappella group the Meddiebempsters, whether it belong to man or canary. Or both.
Finally, the day came in which Barry Mills was to step down in favor of Clayton Rose (Long may He reign). In the 30 seconds between the time that Barry Mills left the office and Clayton Rose entered it, Connor Evans ’16 scaled the walls of the building and pulled Hugh from his cage, all the while yelling “QUADDOG QUADDOG QUADDOG QUADDOG!” Confused but pleased by his sudden freedom, Hugh stopped method acting as a canary (well mostly…he still sings constantly) and became a member of the Meddiebempsters.