{"id":2177,"date":"2017-04-17T22:17:13","date_gmt":"2017-04-18T03:17:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bowdoinglobalist.com\/?p=2177"},"modified":"2017-04-17T22:17:13","modified_gmt":"2017-04-18T03:17:13","slug":"the-globalists-deserted-island-survival-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/art\/the-globalists-deserted-island-survival-guide\/","title":{"rendered":"The Globalist\u2019s Deserted Island Survival Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"

You\u2019re Stuck On A Deserted Island: Here Are The Three Things You Should Bring With You To Make Sure That You Survive For As Long As Possible<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

There\u2019s something glamorous about islands. At least, that\u2019s what society has trained society to think. We equate a sunny island with happiness and success. <\/span>Paradise<\/span><\/i>. Everyone wants their own private island. Everyone wants to be <\/span>on<\/span><\/i> an island.<\/span><\/p>\n

What is it about islands? We frequently ask each other this question: \u201cIf you\u2019re stuck on a deserted island, what are the three things you\u2019d want to bring with you?\u201d It\u2019s a harmless question, and before you berate me in the comments section for not liking it, I\u2019d like to assure you that I <\/span>do<\/span><\/i>,<\/span> in fact, like this question. A great deal, in fact. It really makes you think. At the same time, paradise aside, it has some heavy and depressing implications. It assumes you\u2019re all alone and somewhere you likely won\u2019t get found. It assumes you\u2019re isolated from the rest of civilization. It assumes that this is the end of the line, that this will be your resting place. It\u2019s a question that, at its core, deals with the end of life and the pure loneliness of it. What three things would bring you solace? What are the three things that would make you happy before you\u2014you know\u2014die?<\/span><\/p>\n

I think we use the island to reconcile paradise and death. Maybe death isn\u2019t so ugly or scary; maybe we can talk about it in a more comforting way. The question provides an outlet through which one can imagine his or her death in the most ideal of conditions, with paradise as a backdrop. Those who answer can decide for themselves how they go out, perhaps in a way they believe to be the most peaceful. Is this why we ask this question?<\/span><\/p>\n

Regardless of our reasons for asking, or whether or not we recognize the question\u2019s tensions, it\u2019s still an absolute blast to answer! And for people of all ages! Many use simple-minded, elementary-school thinking that is based almost solely on immediate gratification. Instead, we should think more rationally; our answers shouldn\u2019t be based on preference or gratification, but on survival. We don\u2019t want to roll over for death. We want to beat it. Therefore, when answering this question, we <\/span>must<\/span><\/i> concentrate on survival. Even the ideal death requires dying, which is stupid, so we should focus on living.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, for whatever reason\u2014bad luck or the laws of the universe or the government or some other sadistic entity that forced you to be there\u2014you are stuck on a deserted island.<\/p>\n

In another sick twist of the plot, you\u2019re only allowed three things to bring with you.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t want to bring things that gratify you or make you happy. You want to bring things that you can use to survive. The following three items, described in detail, are what you should bring with you to accomplish this. Take it from me, someone with extensive outdoor experience. Furthermore, I have a level of <\/span>intellectual<\/span><\/i> acuity that qualifies my expertise in areas such as this. I\u2019m also really smart. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, after years of pondering, I’ve compiled the three essential items for survival on a deserted island. My intellect tells me that no other list stands above this one. I have trained my body and mind to be constantly prepared for a survival situation. My judgement is perfectly in tune with the rest of my body, and I\u2019m perfectly equipped to do anything in the outdoors. I can basically fly. Without further ado, these are the three items. There\u2019s no telling how long you can survive out there using these. Maybe you\u2019ll end up liking life better.<\/span><\/p>\n

Note:<\/span> Let\u2019s limit these items to what you can hold in your hands, so that disqualifies, like, \u201cendless supply of hamburgers,\u201d or \u201ca land mass with people and stuff on it,\u201d or \u201ca fully functioning kitchenette with running water.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s jump right in.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Item 1: <\/b>A book about water, right? But it tells you how to purify it, how to turn salt water into freshwater, and how to get water out of the environment<\/span><\/p>\n

Rationale: <\/b>Water unequivocally is the most important thing for a human to survive. It\u2019s also a great sipping <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> chugging beverage. So you\u2019re gonna need a lot of it. Seeing as the island is surrounded by water (since it\u2019s an island), it would be easy to choose a <\/span>30,000 GDP Ultra-High Efficiency Seawater Desalination System<\/span><\/a> that can run with both solar and wind power generation. The island definitely comes with both sun and wind included, so this handy desalination system would be perfect. The problem is, from the picture in the hyperlink provided, it\u2019s hard to tell if anyone can hold this saltwater desalination system in their hands. You\u2019d imagine it would be heavy, but the picture of the desalination system doesn\u2019t include an object or person standing next to it for perspective, so it\u2019s hard to say if it can feasibly be held. Its sale price is listed at $159,000, so it\u2019s <\/span>probably<\/span><\/i> big, but you have to understand that it\u2019s also a really complex piece of machinery, so that might be why it\u2019s so expensive. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nevertheless, a book on water purification is the (safe) way to go because it would be a lot lighter in weight and easier to use. The book is also convenient in that it will tell you everything you need to know about water purification or environmental extraction. You just have to kind of hope that water purification and extraction don\u2019t require other materials like pots and pans and stuff, because then you\u2019re kinda in a bind\u2014no one ever said that being alone on an island with only three things would be easy.<\/p>\n

The good thing is, you can rip out unimportant pages or the pages you don\u2019t understand from the book and use them for fire tinder. Luckily you already know how to start a fire, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

Item 2: <\/b>A book about makeshift shelters<\/span><\/p>\n

Rationale: <\/b>You don\u2019t know how to make shelters. Stop pretending like you do. It\u2019s been awhile since you created blanket and pillow forts when you were a kid. Also important: you won\u2019t have blankets and pillows on this island unless you make those your other two items, in which case your shelter situation is totally taken care of, but it\u2019s risky. A book on building makeshift shelters will definitely teach you everything you need to know about building makeshift shelters. It\u2019ll be very helpful for you. You\u2019ll be amazed when you look at a tree stump and have the knowledge and imagination to turn it into a nice, cozy little fixer-upper. Don\u2019t be afraid to get creative! Have fun with it! This is your (new) home after all. Make it your own!<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, you can use the less helpful or confusing pages for fire tinder.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Item 3: <\/b>A Sense Of Wonder<\/span><\/p>\n

Rationale: <\/b>If there\u2019s one thing people lose in this world that couldn\u2019t be better suited for survival, it\u2019s a sense of wonder. Never underestimate the power of the thirst for knowledge. You never know what you can learn from. No one has been to this island. You\u2019re the first one. The <\/span>first<\/span><\/i>. Three words: Explore. Explore. Explore (some more). The environment is your classroom. Fittingly, a sense of wonder complements wonderfully both the book on water and the book on makeshift shelter building. Without a sense of wonder, I doubt you\u2019d get past the title page. It\u2019s stressful being on a deserted island, but with a sense of wonder you can learn even more from the two books you\u2019ll bring with you. Why bring a knife? Why bring flint? Why bring anything other than your insatiable, headstrong desire to learn? That, my friend, is the greatest item of all. It\u2019s more than an item\u2014it\u2019s a gift\u2014and it\u2019s something you surely will need with you if you hope for any chance of survival.<\/span><\/p>\n

Life has a funny way of happening. Society gets that. Sometimes you get the short straw and you\u2019re forced to live for the rest of your life on an uncharted island with only three things. But when life hands you this colossal and arguably unfair lemon, you now have the tools to make the sweetest tasting lemonade you\u2019ve ever had. Think of it this way: uncharted island life is the start of <\/span>your<\/span><\/i> new life. You\u2019re a new person. You\u2019re a new you. Don\u2019t roll over for death just because it\u2019s staring you in the face. You don\u2019t need a knife or anything like that. It\u2019s a common misconception that a knife is important for island survival; when you were in school, did you learn more when the teacher gave you tools or books? The human brain is trained to learn. My job as a teacher is to direct you to where you can learn more. It would be a disservice to you and me if I didn’t encourage you to learn for yourself. Frankly, you’ll probably come to appreciate educating yourself more if you’re in a life-or-death situation. Maybe\u2014just maybe\u2014someone will come by your island in their Carnival cruise or yacht and ask if you need help. And maybe\u2014just maybe\u2014you\u2019ll look around your island, smile wide, turn to them and say, \u201cNo. I\u2019m good.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Out of obligation: Here are three needless <\/span>Cast Away<\/span><\/i> jokes:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Hey baby, why you gotta be so Tom-Hanks-in-Cast-Away about this?<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Coincidentally, <\/span>Wilson<\/span><\/i> is also a brand of Volleyball.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. \u201cThe FedEx man didn\u2019t come today\u2014I think it\u2019s because he got stuck on an uncharted island,\u201d Tom Hanks said.<\/span>\u201cYou sure, Tom? That seems kinda….uh, I dunno, haha, impossible? Haha!\u201d Tom Hanks\u2019 wife said incredulously, chuckling as she picked up the plates from the patio table. They had just finished dinner.\n

    \u201cOh, trust me, honey,\u201d Tom said, stopping short as he took a long sip of water. He turned to stare out at the magnificent, yet vaguely ominous, view of the Pacific Ocean before him. After what seemed like an eternity, he said quietly, almost to the point where his wife couldn\u2019t hear, \u201cit\u2019s possible, honey. It\u2019s possible.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    You\u2019re Stuck On A Deserted Island: Here Are The Three Things You Should Bring With You To Make Sure That You Survive For As Long As Possible There\u2019s something glamorous about islands. At least, that\u2019s what society has trained society to think. We equate a sunny island with happiness and success. Paradise. Everyone wants their […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":559,"featured_media":2192,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[179],"class_list":{"0":"post-2177","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-art","8":"tag-hypotheticals","9":"entry"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2177","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/559"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2177"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2177\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2192"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2177"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2177"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/students.bowdoin.edu\/bowdoin-review\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2177"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}