There’s this one episode of “The Simpsons” where Bart, Milhouse, Nelson, and Ralph are recruited by a record producer named L. T. Smash to join a boy band named “Party Posse.” It turns out that the record producer’s real name is actually Lt. L.T. Smash and he’s using Bart and his friends’ boy band music […]
The Globalist’s Deserted Island Survival Guide
You’re Stuck On A Deserted Island: Here Are The Three Things You Should Bring With You To Make Sure That You Survive For As Long As Possible There’s something glamorous about islands. At least, that’s what society has trained society to think. We equate a sunny island with happiness and success. Paradise. Everyone wants their […]
Who Best to Play Dracula?
My favorite cereal growing up was Count Chocula. Cereal was, of course, a special occasion—specifically for the late-night pajamas hours or, for some of you weirdos, the “red-light district” hours. It had marshmallows in it that were probably made of plutonium, but they gave Count Chocula that perfect radioactive zing which tickles the tongue in […]
Deal With It—Ryan Gosling is VERY Talented
Fact: Ryan Gosling is an actor. Fact: Ryan Gosling is famous. Fact: Ryan Gosling is successful. Question: Does Ryan Gosling deserve this success? Is he as talented as his astronomical stardom suggests? This is actually a pretty hot topic in online forums. These conversations can go like this: Person A says, “He sucks.” Person B […]
Is Justin Bieber’s “Mistletoe” Faithful to Christmas?
In a moment of quiet, unbridled irreverence, Justin Bieber once confessed, “I should be chillin’ with my folks I know, but I’mma be under the mistletoe.” A peculiar sentiment, considering it followed another statement of his: “It’s the most beautiful time of the year, lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer…” Sadly, the quotes […]
Revisiting Will Smith in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
What makes a TV show protagonist so special? Think of the most compelling show you know and imagine the protagonist. Yes, just like Alex Trebek, very good. Compelling protagonists are essential for attracting viewers to a TV show, and more importantly, bringing you back for more. They have to make you obsessed. They’re like the […]
Where Did Frank Ocean Go?
I, like many other Twitter users, spent the better part of 2015 and 2016 militantly tweeting “WHERE’S FRANK???” If you were anywhere near social media in 2015 and 2016, you would have seen memes, tweets, Facebook posts, subreddit pages, or what have you, all from Frank Ocean fans who were scouring the Internet’s sea floor […]